Learning Acceptance in 2020

 Boca Raton Eating Disorder Therapy

What if 2020 was the year that you learned to accept yourself? To accept your body, your diet, your lifestyle. What if the New Year was not a time that you reflected on what you needed to change-but in turn what you want to learn to accept. We place so much emphasis on "being the best" and "doing better" but we often times forget to pause and appreciate what we have and what we have accomplished.

We live in a culture that is diet and workout obsessed. After the New Year it is common to overhear various conversations related to body shaming, diets and exercise. We place so much judgment on ourselves and what we should and shouldn't be doing. These judgments can be exhausting and also negatively impact our emotions and overall mood. When we learn to tolerate our reality and trash the judgments we can appreciate the present, and maybe even accept ourselves 100%.

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Exercise Addiction and When to Seek Help

Exercise Addiction and When to Seek Help

Exercise addiction is often overlooked due to the idea that “exercise is part of a healthy lifestyle”. However, exercise addiction can be a serious addiction that can negatively impact a person both physically and mentally. Exercise addiction can also be a very serious diagnosis and is officially diagnosed as a form of Bulimia called Exercise Bulimia. Exercise Bulimia is diagnosed when an individual is using exercise as a means to compensate for food intake and the following criteria are present:

  • Prioritizing exercise which in turn negatively impacts major areas of life
  • Neglecting important responsibilities such as work, school and social life
  • Intense anxiety is present when exercise is not available
  • Feelings of intense shame and guilt when unable to exercise
  • Obsessive and compulsive thinking is present when exercising
  • Unable to take a rest day when physically ill or tired
  • Restricting caloric intake on days when exercise is not present
  • Feeling irritable or angry when unable to exercise
    Exercise addiction and eating disorder treatment and therapy boca raton
Consequences of Exercise Bulimia and Exercise Addiction
  • Unable to maintain healthy relationships
  • Feelings of anxiety and depression
  • Isolation
  • Loss of energy
  • Possible reproductive consequences in females (loss of menstrual cycle)
  • Arthritis and other inflammatory issues
  • Dehydration and electrolyte imbalance
  • Frequent injuries due to exercising
When to Seek Help

It can be difficult to determine when exercise addiction is present because exercise CAN be a part of a healthy lifestyle. It is also important to point out that there are many BENEFITS of exercise both physical and mental. However, it is pretty clear when exercise becomes an addiction and shifts from being a healthy outlet to an UNHEALTHY behavior and obsession. When I suspect exercise addiction in an individual I will ask them to identify ways in which exercise is negatively affecting their thinking, physical health, eating behavior and social life. If negative consequences are present in any of these areas; work needs to be done surrounding their relationship with exercise. Exercise is supposed to be a healthy outlet that helps us to relieve stress, take care of our bodies and increase our mood. If exercise has become a chore, an obsession, or anxiety causing-exercise addiction is most likely present and should be addressed by a professional. It is possible to CHANGE your relationship with exercise and break free from exercise addiction.

 

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Borderline Personality Disorder

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder that affects a person’s ability to regulate their thoughts and behaviors. In order to be diagnosed with BPD you have to meet some or all of the following criteria:

  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Risky behaviors
  • Poor relationship skills
  • Self-destructive behaviors
  • Intense anger
  • Mood swings that are unmanageable
  • Grandiose thinking
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Social isolation
  • Lack of personal identify
  • Intense fear of abandonment
  • Difficulty maintaining relationships
  • Feelings of general discontent

BPD can be caused by environmental, social and cultural factors. However, it is important to note that most people diagnosed with BPD have reported a history of trauma, abuse or major abandonment. There have also been studies that have shown a genetic correlation to BPD Diagnosis.

 

How does borderline personality disorder affect relationships?

People with BPD often lack an ability to maintain healthy relationships. People with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, which makes them hyper sensitive in their relationships. They commonly feel like they are inadequate or not good enough, and will come up with ways to validate these irrational thoughts. Since BPD individuals have difficulty regulating their emotions, disagreements or fights in a relationship will be taken to the extreme.  BPD individuals are also quick to push others away and cut people out of their life due to their fear of abandonment.

 

How can you support a significant other with borderline personality disorder?

EDUCATION. BPD is often times very misunderstood. It is crucial that family and friends read about the disorder and educate themselves on what BPD is. Family therapy and support groups can also help support the entire family system.

 

What are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to being in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder?

DO:

Openly talk about the disorder and how it negatively impacts the relationship

Explore how the disorder impacts both individuals in the relationship

Gain education and attend support groups or therapy together

Come up with a plan or strategy on how to address the negative impact of BPD on the relationship

Acknowledge that a healthy relationship is possible

 

DON’T

Give up on the relationship

Blame the person who is struggling with BPD

Don’t place shame or guilt on BPD individual

Use the Disorder as a scape-goat to all of your problems

Sweep the disorder under the rug

 

What are some signs you might have borderline personality disorder?

Inability to maintain relationships

Unable to maintain a stable job

All emotions feel unmanageable

Engaging in risky behaviors such as: self harm, unprotected sex, dangerous drug use

Drinking excessively, binging or purging behaviors

Struggling with personal identity

Pattern of pushing others away

Intense fear of being abandoned

 

BPD can be a complicated diagnosis but is very treatable when a person is motivated and willing to work on their symptoms. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been proven to be very effective in treating BPD individuals. Family therapy and support groups are also a beneficial way to address how the disorder is effecting family members and loved ones.

 

 

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Atypical Anorexia

What is Atypical Anorexia?

Sometimes referred to as an invisible battle, Atypical Anorexia often times gets overlooked due to the fact that it does not consist of a low body weight. However, the absence of low body weight does not make the disorder any less severe or serious.

 

Symptoms of Atypical Anorexia

  • Obsession with body weight, shape and size.
  • Restricting caloric intake
  • Establishing and following strict food rules and guidelines
  • Consumed by food and body image thoughts
  • Impairments in functioning due to restricting behaviors
  • Compulsive exercise
  • Physical symptoms that include: bruising, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, fatigue, irregular menstruation and slow heart rate.
  • Anxiety
  • Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness
  • Difficulty regulating emotions

 

Dangers of Atypical Anorexia

  • Often goes untreated due to the absence of low body weight
  • Those suffering believe that are not worthy of help
  • Atypical Anorexia comes with thinking of “It’s not that bad” “I don’t need help” “I am not thin enough to have an eating disorder”
  • Absence of support from family due to lack of education

 

Seeking Help

The biggest obstacle to seeking help is fighting the belief that “It is not that bad”. When I am treating clients, who fit into the Atypical Anorexia diagnosis they constantly battle the idea that they don’t have any eating disorder or it is manageable. Helping them identify the ways in which they are struggling is key and aids them in increasing their motivation to change their behaviors and thinking.

If you or someone you love is struggling with Atypical Anorexia know that you are worthy of help and support. An eating disorder doesn’t “look” like anything! It’s the thought process and the behaviors involved that define an eating disorder- not your body weight.

 

Abby Bernstein LMHC is a mental health counselor in Boca Raton Florida specializing in the treatment of Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder and Atypical Anorexia.

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Steps to Improve Body Image

How can I improve my body image? This is a question that I get asked quite frequently both in my practice and in my personal life. My answer is usually the same every time; body image can be changed when you are committed to changing it. The relationship with your body is based on your thinking patterns and the lens that you decide to look through.  It’s important to acknowledge that changing your body image outlook is very difficult and takes a lot of time and practice.  However, having a better body image can be done.  It takes commitment, support and hard work. By following these five steps you may begin to improve the relationship you have with your body.

1. Motivation

How motivated are you to have a better relationship with your body? How willing are you to challenge the negative thinking that comes along with having poor body image?

In order to change the relationship with your body you have to be willing and wanting to do so. Believe it or not, we are sometimes more comfortable hanging on to poor body image because we may be comfortable with this thinking or fearful to challenge it.

You can identify your willingness to change by looking at both the positive and negative effects of your current body image. When doing this activity, you can clearly see the toll that your negative body image has had on your mental health and sometimes even your physical health.

Motivation for change is key whenever you are attempting to challenge or change a behavior.  Explore and identify your current motivation to change the relationship you have with your body.

 

2. Identify

In order to make positive shifts in your body image, you need to identify where your current body image thoughts stem from. Identifying the core of these beliefs will help you to reframe and challenge negative ideals that you are holding on to. It is common that body image beliefs stem from childhood and adolescents. Family, peers, social media and experiences can all shape the relationship that you have with your body. Identifying the root of negative body image will help you gain awareness into the relationship that you have with your body. By identifying the root cause, you can target and challenge specific beliefs that you may have been holding onto through the majority of your life.

 

3. Accept

My favorite definition of acceptance is “the willingness to come into contact with a person’s whole experience.” To go deeper, when you have full acceptance you are not just acknowledging things, but willingly identifying difficult factors and inviting them to be part of your experience. This pertains to body image on so many levels.

One of the main aspects of having a healthy body image is giving up the idea that you need to change your weight or look a certain way. When you accept your body, you are acknowledging all of the emotions and thoughts that are attached to these ideas while also making a conscious effort to let them go. (AKA have a better body image.)  Acceptance plays a major role in shifting the relationship you have with your body. When you stop trying to change your body and accept it, you are able to appreciate your body for what it is instead of hating on it for what is isn’t. Which brings us to gratitude.

 

4. Gratitude

When we are caught up in negative body talk we tend to focus on all the things that our body does not do (or does not look like) and we tend to forget all of the things that our body does for us.  Showing gratitude and love to your body is a very effective way to improve the relationship that you have with your body and with yourself.  Gratitude has been shown to increase overall well-being and decrease anxiety and depression symptoms.  There are specific activities that you can do in order to show gratitude to your body.  Making a body gratitude list is a very effective way to practice gratitude towards your body.  Every morning (or night) write 10 things that you are grateful for about your body and continue to do so for 30 days. Practicing this activity regularly will help shift your overall attitude and relationship towards your body.

 

5. Commitment

Any major change requires commitment. If YOU want to improve your body image you are going to have to be committed to this goal. Now commitment comes in many different forms. In this instance I will focus on commitment as it relates to behaviors. When wanting to improve body image there are many behavioral changes that can help. Actively challenging negative body thoughts is a behavior that you can use multiple times a day. There are a few ways you can challenge negative body thoughts. A quick and easy challenge is to come up with an affirmation that you can implement when a negative body thought comes up. Some common body image affirmations are:

My body deserves love and respect

I will accept my body for what it is today

My body is the vehicle that lets me experience the world

My worth isn’t defined by my body

I am allowed to take up space

Love fills every inch of my skin

Challenging your thoughts can help you gain control, and retrain your brain to shift towards more body positive thinking.

 

Like I said before shifting your body image to a more positive outlook is challenging but it CAN be done. Remember that it takes time to change thinking patterns so be gentle with yourself and your thoughts throughout this process. The relationship you decide to have with your body is up to you! Even though at times it feels like you have no control just remember that your body is a vehicle that you control both physically, emotionally and mentally.

 

 

 

 

 

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Core Values

Let’s talk about core values! I like to call core values your roots. 🌳 They are the main things that keep you grounded and are a constant factor in your life. Identifying core values can be difficult. Staying true to those values can be even more challenging. We can easily be taken away from our values and influenced by society, the media and selfish gains. Take some time and think about what is REALLY important to you. What keeps you grounded and gives your life TRUE meaning?

Some common core values are fun, family, nature, honesty and commitment.
For a full list of hundreds of Core Values visit this site:
https://www.threadsculture.com/core-values-examples

For a quick and easy core values activity try and identify your top 10 core values!

This weekend I have the opportunity to be in Colorado 🏔 I have been snowboarding for 15+ years. It’s an activity that keeps ME grounded and connected to my core values.

 

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Social Media Addiction in Adolescents

Social Media Addiction in Adolescents

In today’s culture being “on” and participating in social media is almost a right of passage. Our family, friends, and coworkers are all using social media as a way to connect with their surroundings. Our teenagers can be negatively impacted by social media and develop an obsession with social media that can lead to unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. Recent studies have been able to directly link social media addiction with depression, anxiety, ADHD and feelings of loneliness. When counseling an adolescent who is struggling with social media addiction it is important to identify what the purpose of the behavior is. I find that some teens use social media as an escape, others use it to connect with peers. Social media is not all bad. However, it is common for adolescents to take it to the extreme. Finding a balance is key when addressing social media addiction in adolescents.

Adolescent Social Media “Red Flags”

  • Spending more than 3 hours a day on social media outlets
  • Using social media as a distraction when feeling uncomfortable
  • Mood shifts that are directly related to social media behaviors (Ex. Not getting enough “likes”, fear of missing out)
  • Self-esteem is negatively impacted due to social media use
  • Comparing image and lifestyle to others causing a decline in mood
  • Using social media to bully peers
  • Irritable if unable to use social media

I’ve helped many teenagers identify how their social media is negatively affecting their life and work with them to come up with a healthy balance.

 

“I focus on helping adolescents find balance

between being part of the social media era, while also

taking care of their emotional and mental health.”

   – Abby

 

Interested in this topic? Here are a few articles that focus on social media addiction.

Griffiths, M.D., Kuss, D.J. & Demetrovics, Z. (2014). Social networking addiction: An overview of preliminary findings. In K. Rosenberg & L. Feder (Eds.), Behavioral Addictions: Criteria, Evidence and Treatment (pp.119-141). New York: Elsevier.

Kuss, D.J. & Griffiths, M.D. (2011). Online social networking and addiction: A literature review of empirical research. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 8, 3528-3552.

 

 

Abby Bernstein LMHC, is a mental health therapist treating adolescents, eating disorders and addictions in Boca Raton FL.

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7 Ways to Manage Daily Anxiety

7 Ways to Manage Your Daily Anxiety

Everyone has anxiety! It is normal to feel anxious about an upcoming job interview, important social event or the future. It is human nature to have feelings of apprehension and fear that can manifest in both our thinking and behaviors.

Anxiety actually serves a purpose! Anxiety protects us from danger and motivates us to do our best and be prepared.

However, there is a difference between “healthy” and unhealthy anxiety. Here are a few common signs that your anxiety is starting to become a major problem in your life.

  1. Physical symptoms that occur on a regular basis (2-3x per week)
  • Heart palpitations
  • Shaking
  • Sweating
  • Shortness of breath
  • Stomach issues
  • Panic attacks

2. Avoiding specific situations or tasks that cause anxiety

3. Engaging in unhealthy behaviors to manage anxiety

  • Drinking or drug use
  • Smoking
  • Using obsessive or compulsive behaviors
  • Eating disorder behaviors
  • Acting out sexually

If you could relate to any of the above symptom’s, chances are your anxiety is having a negative impact on your life. You are not alone. Anxiety is one of the top 5 treated mental illnesses.

Anxiety symptoms are very uncomfortable, and when you are an anxiety sufferer, you are always looking for a quick way to manage symptoms. What I have learned is that each person responds differently to various coping skills. I would suggest trying out many different techniques and identifying which ones work best for you and your anxiety. It is important to remember that trying new skills takes practice and the skill/tool itself is not a cure all. Solutions to anxiety occur when an individual is committed to exploring and practicing various techniques, until finding one that works best for them and their anxiety.

 

Here are 7 ways to help manage your daily anxiety: 

1. Deep Breathing

When our bodies are in stress, we immediately start to engage in shallow breathing. A very common symptom of anxiety is trouble breathing or shortness of breath. You can easily engage in deep breathing on your own by using breath counting to measure inhalations. Try breathing in for 6 seconds, hold for 2 seconds and breath out for 8 seconds.

 

2. Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a Dialectical Behavior (DBT) skill that focuses on identifying thoughts and behaviors without judgment. When you are practicing mindfulness, you are becoming more aware of your thoughts, behaviors and emotions without classifying them as good or bad. Some of the core principles of mindfulness are focusing awareness, practicing a nonjudgmental stance and staying in the present.

Try this mindfulness exercise to help manage anxiety thinking or behaviors.

Take a mindful moment and without judgment identify a few anxiety thoughts. When identifying these thoughts focus on what emotions you are experiencing when these thoughts come up. Again, try not to judge your emotions. If judgment comes up just acknowledge it and let it float away. Take a mindful moment and notice your experience while trying this activity. Acknowledge any thoughts, feelings or physical sensations that came up. Again, try not to judge them.

 

3. Healthy Distraction

We all use distraction as a way to cope with situations that are uncomfortable. Distraction is not a bad thing. However, it is important to be mindful of what distractions you are using and identify the motive and purpose behind it. Distractions can become problematic if you rely on them every time you feel any kind of discomfort. When you are feeling anxious some healthy distractions are:

  • Listening to music
  • Watching a movie or TV
  • Being social with friends and family
  • Playing with a pet
  • Creating art or completing a DIY project
  • Reading
  • Moving your body (taking a walk, yoga class, bike ride)

 

4. Visualization 

Visualization can be a very powerful tool when managing anxiety and I often use it in sessions with clients. Visualization is most successful when it is guided, but there are quick and easy visualizations you can try at home.

First, begin by visualizing what in your life is causing your anxiety. Try and imagine all of these separately. While you are visualizing, identify each anxiety as an object. For example, if work is causing you anxiety, try visualizing it as a notepad or a laptop. If you have anxiety about your health, try and visualize it as a band aid or another object that comes to mind when you think of your health. Once you have identified all of your anxiety objects, you are going to think about a strong container. Some common containers are a trunk, suit case, box or balloon. This container can be ANYTHING that holds things. After you have identified your container, you are going to visualize putting your anxiety objects inside and sending it far far away. You can send the container to another country on a plane, out into the ocean or into outer space.

 

5 .Essential Oils

Now I know some of you are reading this and thinking “How can an oil help me with my anxiety?”. Not only are essential oils proven to decrease anxiety but they can also improve your overall mental well-being. I recommended using various essential oils to help combat physical anxiety symptoms. Some common anxiety symptoms are: heart palpitations, shaking, shortness of breath, sweating, dizziness and stomach upset. There are many essential oils that have been scientifically tested to calm down the nervous system and alleviate symptoms of anxiety. You can safely use essential oils in a diffuser or apply small amount topically.

**It is important to note that I am not a medical doctor and these are suggestions.

Essential Oils for Anxiety

  • Lavender *One of the most common essential oils*
  • Valerian
  • Chamomile
  • Holy Basil
  • Bergamot

 

6. Reframing your thoughts

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most commonly used intervention to treat anxiety. A key technique that is taught in CBT is the ability to reframe your thinking. It is true that we can’t control all of the thoughts that come into our mind. However, we can challenge the thoughts that hurt us or impair our wellbeing.

Some common anxiety reframes and challenges: 

This feels like too much-I may be uncomfortable right now but it will pass

I can’t handle this-I can handle anything

I don’t want to do this its too hard-Even though its challenging I will overcome it

 

7. Affirmations

Affirmations can be a very powerful tool to get you through difficult or uncomfortable experiences. The power of positive thinking is real and when used regularly can be very effective in treating anxiety.

Here are some common affirmations that may help with anxiety:

With every breath I release my anxiety and become more calm. 

All is well in my world and I am safe.

I can and will overcome my fear.

I am prepared for change. 

 

Daily anxiety can be frustrating and sometimes hard to manage. Finding the right tools to allievate your symptoms can really help combat daily anxiety symptoms.  Don’t expect it to happen over night, but with practice, I hope that one of these techniques can assist you in bettering your feelings of anxiety.

 

 

Written by: Abby Bernstein LMHC

Abby is a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders, adolescents, mood disorders and addiction in Boca Raton FL.

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